The Locker Room

A teacher was doing a study testing the senses of first graders, using a bowl of Lifesavers. With each color they ate, He would ask the children what it tasted like. The children began to say, "Red......Cherry" "Yellow......Lemon" "Green......Lime" "Orange......Orange" Finally, the teacher gave them Honey Lifesavers. After eating them, none of the children could identify the taste. "Well," he said, "I'll give you a clue......It's what your mother sometimes calls your father." One little girl looked up in horror, spit her Lifesaver out and yelled, "Oh my god!!! They're A##holes!!"

1) In Lebanon, men are legally allowed to have sex with animals, but the animals must be female. Having sexual relations with a male animal is punishable by death. (Like THAT makes sense.) 2) In Bahrain, a male doctor may legally examine a woman's genitals, but is prohibited from looking directly at them during the examination. He may only see their reflection in a mirror. 3) Muslims are banned from looking at the genitals of a corpse. This also applies to undertakers; the sex organs of the deceased must be covered with a brick or piece of wood at all times. (A brick??) 4) The penalty for masturbation in Indonesia is decapitation. (Wonder which head?) 5) There…

Does anyone fancy trying to carry out traffic control here - I certainly don't!! http://www.joe-ks.com/MultiMedia/SaigonSurvivor.wmv

"Hello, is this the FBI?" "Yes. What do you want?" "I'm calling to report my neighbor Billy Bob Smith! He is hiding marijuana inside his firewood." "Thank you very much for the call, sir." The next day, the FBI agents descend on Billy Bob's house. They search the shed where the firewood is kept. Using axes, they bust open every piece of wood, but find no marijuana. They swore at Billy Bob and left. The phone rings at Billy Bob's house. "Hey, Billy Bob! Did the FBI come?" "Yeah!" "Did they chop your firewood?" "Yep." "Happy birthday, Buddy"

During her first state visit to India, Queen Victoria was presented with a small herd of elephants by the maharajahs for good luck. She had the elephants brought back to London & had a compound made for them. Where was it?

A blonde and her father are walking down a street when the father says, ''Look, a dead bird.'' And the blonde looks up and says, ''Where?''

Two children were in a doctor's waiting room. The little girl was softly sobbing. "Why are you crying?" asked the little boy. "I'm here for a blood test, and they're going to cut my finger," said the girl. When he heard this, the little boy started to cry. "Why are you crying?" asked the girl. The boy looked at her worriedly and said, "I'm here for a urine test."

I think the eight month jail sentance on the above was abit over the top, dismissed from the service was sufficient. It struck me a little strange that he has served in Iraq twice and had no complaint about the legality of the war then, but suddenly this posting he didn't want, as he now considers the war illegal. Having seen him on TV he strikes me as being very arrogant, and full of his own importance. Perhaps the RAF is better off without him. (Sorry, moderator, can this be moved to non police forum) Maverick2238822.3910532407

Mr. Bear and Mr. Rabbit lived in the same forest, but they didn't like each other very much. One day, while walking through the woods, and they came across a golden frog. They were amazed when the frog talked to them. The golden frog admitted that he didn't often meet anyone, but, when he did, he always gave them six wishes, so he told them that they could have three wishes each. Mr. Bear immediately wished that all the other bears in the forest were females. The frog granted his wish. Mr. Rabbit, after thinking for a while, wished for a crash helmet. One appeared immediately, and he placed it on his head. Mr. Bear was amazed at Mr. Rabbit's wish, but carried on with hi…

A young female teacher was giving an assignment to her 6th grade class one day. It was a large assignment so she started writing high up on the chalkboard. Suddenly there was a giggle from one of the boys in the class. She quickly turned and asked, "What's so funny, Pat?" "I just saw one of your garters!" "Get out of my classroom," she yells, "I don't want to see you for three days!" The teacher turns back to the chalkboard. Realizing she had forgotten to title the assignment, she reaches to the very top of the chalkboard. Suddenly there is an even louder giggle from another male student. She quickly turns and asks, "What's so funny, Billy?" "I just saw …

Mrs. Flebs, a teacher, was standing in front of her class. It was the beginning of the new school year. Mrs. Flebs said, “Okay class, we're going to go around the room and have everybody say a sentence. We'll start with Sarah.” Sarah said, “Cows have spots. Terrence said, ''Baseball is a sport.” Carla said, “Computers are electronic.” Bobby said, “Urinate.” Mrs. Flebs said, “Bobby, urinate is a word, not a sentence.” Bobby said, “Not ‘urinate’, it's you're an eight. And if you had bigger tits you'd be a ten.”

From today's The Scotsman online: Does this happen in England, as well?

Nothing to do with bird watching, before you ask. Like a lot of people of my age, my eyesight is deteriorating so I have to wear glasses to read. In this job, wearing glasses can be a nuisance and a danger, so I was considering the alternatives. Some people have looked into laser surgery - not for me thank you. I don't fancy the risk of damage, either now or in the future. The technology hasn't been around long enough for anyone to know what the long term effects are. Contact lenses are the other option, but the problems with CS spray, dust and other stuff might make them difficult to use. My optician sent a reminder for an eye test today and advertised Orthok…