The Locker Room

I've had a long discussion with myself and I've decided that some awards need to be handed out around here. Normally (at the Oscars and Brits etc) there's a commitee to do this sort of thing. But, I've decided that this isn't necessary and will be doing this on my own. So this is the inaugural Brian's Monthly Forum Awards (in conjuction with Police Oracle and Krispy Kreme Doughnuts). The September winners are as follows:- Member posting the most inanity in order to get their ranking up- Well there wasn't really much of a contest here. At a whopping 12 posts a day please step forward Mr Jays. It's nice to see that Sergeants have so much spare time. Buy yoursel…

The PC Brigade are at it again. The fostering committee in West Sussex have refused to allow a couple to foster a child, because, guess why, they are vegetarians. The couple say they are happy for the child to eat meat when they are out, or at school, but they don't have meat in the house. I bet the leader of the committee is a ''leftie'', sits on a bean bag and wears socks with sandals, and went to the Sorbonne. Welcome to the laughing stock of West Sussex, the Fostering committee.

Since we now have our third Barrack Room Lawer, the question has to be asked - whats next and when. How about the next award being in the region of 4000 or 5000, but then what name do we use?

Can we see how far we get with this topic - words that spell the same forwards or backwards - I expect there is a name for them?. Radar.

To continue the now bizarre theoretical questions, I have a slightly more simpler one.... What's worse :- Up Sh**s Creek without a Canoe... OR Up Sh**s Creek without a Paddle... With questions such as this one must consider such factors as animals etc flow of creek, whether there are any unexpected waterfalls etc - the list is limitless..... over to you chaps for your input.....

A plane is standing on a runway that can move (some sort of band conveyer). The plane moves in one direction, while the conveyer moves in the opposite direction. This conveyer has a control system that tracks the plane speed and tunes the speed of the conveyer to be exactly the same (but in the opposite direction). Can the plane take off? Any ideas ?

I am Mustafa welsh, the only son of late Mr and Mrs welsh who died in Fatal accident long ago and before he died his a politician + Business Man in Siere leone. Presently, the government has frozen all the family account and auctioned all our properties. However,my late father managed to ship out through a shipping company,the sum of US8.5M and the money was disguised to beat the security and it is currently deposited in a credit commission. I want you to recieve the money and pay it into your account for the family safely. I am offering you 20% for assisting me secure this money fast before it is located by the Government Agents. Contact me immediately with this Emai…

As many of us tend to use these forums virtually as a chat room whilst on line, what's the chances of getting Police Oracle to provide a proper on line chat room. More spontaneous and libelous I suspect!

Buy a television set exactly like your neighbours. Then annoy them by standing outside their window and changing their channel using your identical remote control. MOTORISTS. Pressing your 'fog lights' switch a second time after the fog has cleared will actually turn your fog lights off. X-Files fans. Create the effect of being abducted by aliens by drinking two bottles of vodka. You'll invariably wake up in a strange place the following morning, having had your memory mysteriously 'erased'. Don't waste money buying expensive binoculars. Simply stand closer to the object you wish to view.

Evenin all, only just noticed this thread, have already made 3 postings, sorry about that, old age goes to your head , among other things. I served in the Met in the 50- 60s resigned after 11 enjoyable years, just couldnt take any more of the poor pay and conditions. Having been a beat duty M/ Cyclist for 5 years, the final straw for me was when they took away my lovely Triumph Speed Twin, sold it to a local yobo, and made us all "Noddy " riders.

any good should i go see that, or the fog?????

I was wondering whether any of you had any good tips for ironing creases in trousers. I've got a hot date (well, a meeting) with one of the chiefs and I want to look pristine. Normally my creases fall out after half a day!! Is there anyone who can help?

Apologies for the delay. I wish I could tell you why you've all had to keep your fingers crossed for so long, but I can't. I asked Jack Nicholson to present these now he's done his bit at the Oscars. Unfortunately, he hasn't recovered from the after show parties yet. Anyway, onto the gold envelopes:- The Mr Jays "My Viagra prescription has run out" award goes once again to the Essex Bird, Goldtop. For the measured period there were only a few posts between first and third. Mr Jays was Lagging way behind and didn't even make the top 5. I suspect Mrs Jays has been glad of the company on these long winter nights. The first of two new awards this time goes to M…