The Locker Room

Accident Reports Accident insurance claim forms ask for a brief statement about how the accident happened. The combination of the finger pointing instinct and the small spaces provided on the forms can lead to some curiously phrased explanations. '+'IPT>> Car Accidents: "A pedestrian hit me and went under my car." "The other car collided with mine without giving warning of its intention." "I had been learning to drive with power steering. I turned the wheel to what I thought was enough and found myself in a different direction going the opposite way." "Coming home, I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree I don't hav…

Questions Asked of Park Rangers These questions were actually asked of various park rangers across the North American continent. Everglades National Park: "Are the alligators real?" "Are the baby alligators for sale?" "Where are the rides?" "What time does the two o'clock bus leave?" Grand Canyon National Park: "Was this man-made?" "Do you light it up at night?" "I bought tickets for the elevator to the bottom -- where is it?" "Is the mule train air conditioned?" "So where are the faces of the presidents?" "So is that Canada over there?" Denali National Park: "What time to you feed the bears?…

The below is a Vaseline joke. If you are offended by Vaseline jokes, please don't read any further. Some of my best friends use Vaseline... Nope don't think that part of the care and attention warning will work today. Damn it's a joke, no offence meant to anyone etc... A man doing market research for the Vaseline Company knocked at the door and was greeted by a young woman with three small children running around at her feet. "I'm doing some research for Vaseline. Have you ever used the product?" She said, "Yes. My husband and I use it all the time." "If you don't mind my asking," he said, "what do you use it for?" "We use it for sex," she said. Th…

A Canadian Christmas... A man in Newfoundland calls his son in Calgary two days before Christmas and says, "I hate to ruin your day, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing; forty-five years of misery is enough." "Pop, what are you talking about?" the son screams. "We can't stand the sight of each other any longer," the father says. "We're Sick of each other, and I'm sick of talking about this, so you call your Sister in Vancouver and tell her." Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone. "No way they're getting divorced!" she shouts, "I'll take care of this." She calls Newfoundland immediately and screa…

I don't usually have much time for the Mayor of London, Ken Livingston, but he certainly seems to have got to grips with Trevor Phillips, the pompous, self publicist of the CRE. If there was ever a man who thought he was God's gift to the world, it's Trevor Phillips, the man always seems to be itching for a fight, and appears to have a very large 'chip' on his shoulder. It's time for a change at the CRE, with Phillips being replaced by someone who is less abrasive and confrontational.

Due to a fault on my computer I will be off the air for possibly two weeks. Just letting you know so that you don't think I am ignoring you all. Thanks. Regards, Maverick22.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/south_yorkshire/6201387.stm I'm sure he wouldn't be moaning if he was in a crash once he'd been given the ticket and put his belt on... Would probably want her to sit on his knee

MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL !!

Once upon a time there was a family of storks: Papa Stork, Mama Stork, and Baby Stork. One evening, Papa wasn't at dinner. Mama left food out for him, but he didn't come home at all that night. When he finally did come home the next day, Baby Stork asked, “Papa, where were you all night, last night?” Papa replied, “Out making a young couple very happy.” Several weeks later, Mama Stork was late for dinner. Papa and Baby waited for a long while, then gave up and ordered pizza. Mama stork didn't make it home till late the next morning. When she tiredly sank into her favorite chair, Baby asked her, “Mama, where were you all last night?” “I was out making a y…

Lancashire Police shoot themselves in the foot, to the tune of £10,000. Mr and Mrs Roberts were questioned for over an hour about their views on homosexuality, after they requested a leaflet on christianity was placed along side a leaflet about homosexuals. Lancs were going to be taken to court over the matter, but decided to settle out of court, at least they showed some sense there. Someone at Lancs should be spoken to about the use of common sense, plus the fact that £10,000 of tax payers money has been thrown away due to the ineptitude of someone in the Lancs Constabulary.

1. NAMES: If Laurie, Linda, Elizabeth and Barbara go out for lunch, they will call each other Laurie, Linda, Elizabeth and Barbara. If Mark, Chris, Eric and Tom go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla, Peanut-Head and Scrappy. 2. EATING OUT: When the bill arrives, Mark, Chris, Eric and Tom will each throw in a £20, even though it's only for £32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want the change back. When the women get their bill, out come the pocket calculators. 3. MONEY: A man will pay £2 for a £1 item he needs A woman will pay £1 for a £2 item that she doesn't need but …

I recall recently there being on here a poem about us, which reminded me of one I saw many years ago, well I went digging and finally found it. The Source is unknown, as the piece of paper was found in the Collators Office at Streatham Police Station, and published on 31/12/1991. I think it still stands correct today. (I Appologise to the female readership for the policeman references) Policemen, belive it or not, are human. They come in both sexes, but mostly male. they also come in varous sizes. this mostly depends on whether you are looking for one or trying to hide something, However they are mostly Big. Policemen are found everywhere. in spit…

Anyone (moderators especially) know why I can only send 5 PM's in an hour? And is there anything I can do to change this. I was haveing a good old rant with a couple of members and now cant PM !!!!