The Locker Room

Two women were out for a Saturday stroll. One had a Doberman and the other had a <?:namespace prefix = st1 ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:smarttags" />Chihuahua. As they walked down the street, the one with the Doberman said to her friend, "Let's go over to that bar for a drink." The lady with the Chihuahua said, "We can't go in there. We've got dogs with us." The one with the Doberman said, "Just watch, and do as I do." They walked over to the bar and the one with the Doberman put on a pair of dark glasses and started to walk in. The bouncer at the door said, "Sorry, lady, no pets allowed." The woman with the Doberman said, "You don't understand. This is …

OK, first things first, ditch the clown outfit. Where's the nearest recycling bin; there's always heaps of stuff dumped outside the bins after Christmas... Well, bums, nothing fits too well, but it's better than a white suit. I'll stuff that in the paper recycling... These shoes are a tad too big, and they smell. oh well, needs must when the devil drives. Perhaps it'll put the dogs off my trail. Oh sh*t, the dogs. The river...

To all the blokes out there, at great risk to myself, (see Rule 13) I am publishing one of the big female secrets. THE RULES 1. The FEMALE always makes The Rules. The Rules are subject to change at any time without prior notification. 2. The MALE cannot possibly know all The RULES. 3. If the FEMALE suspects the MALE knows all the Rules she must immiediately change some or all of the Rules. 4. The FEMALE is never wrong 5. If the FEMALE is wrong it is due to a misunderstanding which was a direct result of something the MALE did or said wrong 6. The MALE must apologise immiediately for causing said misunderstanding …

Where to go, what to do.. good restaurants e.tc. Am trying to plan a "perfect date" which doesn't entail going to the force's local Italian and talk about work for 3 hours.

ok I propose a swap shop for all the Christmas presents everyone doesn't want/need/ is allergic too etc etc I have two diarys going and a clowns nose (I must say thanks to Killer for the Clowns nose, Honkkkkk)

I think there should be a "shared interests" forum on here so that birds of a feather can swim in the same paddock, so to speak. Does anyone here, police officer or otherwise, share my interest in the following? 1. Linguistics. I am particularly keen to chat to anyone with an interest in - phonology, especially regional variations and vernacular, non-agglutinating morhological and inflecting structures in Nordic and Gothic languages, and all aspects of foregrounding in monologic discourse (especially advertising and public information promotion) and their semiotic, stylistic and pragmatic features. 2. Making toffee, fudge and other confection. I'm willi…

According to the BBC, the US Army have sent letters out to 5,000 people who have recently left the service, asking them if they want to re-enlist. Included in those who received letters were 75 soldiers who had died! Now I know that the Commander in Chief is a zombie, but surely this is expecting too much?

Whenever I leave the office, something bad happens..*moaning* Had a nutter trying to run away from the police yesterday...he jumped out the window and started running down the estate... Didn't want to ruin my statistics..so I ran after...and got him nicked "It is assault if you touch me.. I want a lawyer...I aint saying nothing..I am innocent" yeah, right..like I've never heard that one before. Think I sprained my foot or something..couldnt hardly get my boots off, in the end of the shift. Went to see our NHS heroes, and was informed that it is probably not sprained, but might be broken....have to go for an X-ray this afternoon.. F**K

Hello All, Just found this site and hope it is useful to me. I am applying for Lancs in the next recruitment drive(starts tomorrow- 8th Jan). Hopefully will return to the area when I leave my current job in July. Thats all folks- for now anyway

Hi everyone out there! this is my first post. Just applied for the Regulars! and being sifted as we speak. Apparantley Wiltshire had 350 applicants in the two weeks the recruitment was open, and the lucky first 100 of us are now being application checked. Anyone else out there applied to Wiltshire, would love to hear from new apps in Hampshire or Avon and Somerset area as well

and how long you been doing it I collect tybeanie babys from all over the world . vinal recodes all diffrent music . badges nspcc all charity ones ferrits live ones my pets 10 of them love dogs cats etc love collecting friends on the wat lol bye lancashirelass

Signs You Drink Too Much Coffee - You answer the door before people knock. - Saddam Hussein named his camel after you. - You ski uphill. - You grind your coffee beans in your mouth. - You haven't blinked since the last lunar eclipse. - You lick your coffeepot clean. - You're the employee of the month at the local coffeehouse and you don't even work there. - Your eyes stay open when you sneeze. - You chew on other people's fingernails. - Your T-shirt says, "Decaffeinated coffee is the devil's blend." - You can type sixty words per minute ... with your feet. - You can jump-start your car without cables. - Cocaine is a downer. - You don't need a hammer…

Back in July, We received an received an invitation which read: Marcus Junius Brutus and Livia Drusilla are cordially invited to attend the civil union partnership ceremony of Darren and Mick at 2pm on Friday, 22nd September and afterwards a reception buffet at The Royal Hotel... Mick is an old friend/work colleague of mine - but I had not heard of his "partner", Darren, before. I respect the rights of homosexuals to enjoy the same rights as the rest of us, and especially with regard to such things as taxation, benefits and inheritance. Nevertheless, I struggle with the notion that homosexuality is simply a lifestyle choice and that such unions are in any way equiva…

So, what's everyone's new year rezzies then?? I think you can guess what mine is!!!