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I am opening myself up here for all sorts of abuse!

The Squirrel & the Grasshopper.... Seemed the right thread for this? Aren’t you all glad that we live in such a ’fair and democratic’ country then!!!!!!read on ORIGINAL VERSION: The squirrel works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building and improving his house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks he’s a fool, and laughs and dances and plays the summer away. Come winter, the squirrel is warm and well fed. The shivering grasshopper has no food or shelter, so he dies out in the cold. THE END ------------------------------------------------------------ ------ THE BRITISH VERSION: The squirrel works hard in the wit…

Hi everyone, just a quick hello as I've just joined the forum. My name is Dazz and I'm a serving uniformed type in the West Mids. I've been in for nearly 20 years and it just gets worse and worse.. I've mostly been in uniform, whether on the shift or PBO (CBO, Local bobby, beat bobby etc) I've dabbled a little in plainclothes and CID and have no desire to climb that promotion ladder.. Dazz PS I'm 38, co-habiting, expecting our first little one and I'm an Aries..

I got a private message off "ChickenSoup", is she / he a spamer. My deepest apologies if she/he is not. Anyone else have this contact

I'm going to Poland to 'ave me face sorted next month (I don't need it of course, gorgeous as I am). I think my employer should foot the bill. I mean, they expect you to look your pretty best for the public. Some of the faces I work with need a good going over with a surgeon's knife Talk about wondering which is the dog and which is the handler.

A retired police officer has complained to his local police about the next door neighbour. The neighbour has a three foot flashing illuminated Gnome, dressed as a Policeman, with helmet, accompanied by a dog. The retired offices says that he cannot sell his house because this Gnome puts people off. The police have threatened to arrest the Gnome owner for harasment if he doesn't remove it. Perhaps the Gnome doesn't have a home to go to. Story in the Western Morning News, I thought it was a joke to start with but apparently its TRUE. Maverick2238969.691400463

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/asia-pacific/5311298.stm 'Crocodile Hunter' Irwin killed The naturalist worked to protect Australian wildlife Irwin with crocodiles Australian naturalist and television personality Steve Irwin has been killed by a stingray during a diving expedition off the Australian coast. Mr Irwin, 44, died after being struck in the chest by the stingray's barb while he was filming a documentary in Queensland's Great Barrier Reef. Paramedics from Cairns rushed to the scene but were unable to save him. Mr Irwin was known for his television show The Crocodile Hunter and his work with native Aust…

Hello all, thought you might like to view my site as I think it'll be your "kind of thing" :) Lock Down! Crime Forum If you have any questions, please don't be afraid to ask.

your bank haul is always the same: £5,000 in small coins, you get upset when you don't get picked in line-ups, because of your aversion to hanguns, the only people you ever mug are street mimes, you spend your days tying up expensive digital-imaging equipment to couterfeit proofs-of-purchase for breakfast cereal prizes, after three years of identity theft, you've cost your victims the sum total of £39,78p in library fines, locking your keys in the getaway car is becoming a common occurrence, you accept ransom payments in the form of deposit cans & bottles, the key to your embezzlement system is keeping two sets of pencils, your chosen method of…

These are statements made by 'arrestees' to police & sheriffs of various American forces:- "Yeah. It looks like I pulled a gun from my pants, but I can prove those weren't really my pants!" "Sure the guy on the surveillance tape kind of looks like me, but he's a black & white guy whereas I'm flesh coloured." "Are you kidding? The guy you're looking for is clean shaven, not with a two-day growth of stubble!" And my favourite:- "Being that English is not his first language, you can see how the clerk got: 'Empty the f*cking register or I'll blow a hole in your damn turban!' out of: 'A pack of Altoids and a can of Sprite, sir.'"

Dell have launched a new advertising campaign - with the slogan : 'Step Up A Gear'. Presumably each laptop will come with a complimentary pair of trainers.

We at Essex Police have an enviable record for law enforcement. Last year we were a top performing force. Southend has been voted the best place to retire and we're also a safe county. However challenges are faced every day by our dynamic and diverse workforce. Essex Police are currently seeking a new Chief Constable to meet this challage. Appointment for this role will be competance based with a salary to match. Sucessful candidates are expected to raise their own support from the rank and file at Essex in order to perform the hostile takeover required. For application pack or further information, please contact Essex Police.