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Mid Month Saturday Night (with added rain)




A quick Government Health Warning to you Regulars out there.  Us Specials compare notes in detail about you.  We talk about who we like to work with, who is good in a scrap, who makes the best brews/cakes and which pairings always manage to be deployed in far flung villages while the pubs and clubs are kicking out.  One of the things we also rate is the quality of your Response driving – it’s very subjective seeing as we only have A to B grading but even so it varies between “Have we actually got our lights on because we aren’t going any faster” to “SHIIIIIIIIIIIT I’M GOING TO DIE”.  This becomes relevant later on, so to the account of last night, a mid-month Saturday night in town.


1900 – Arrive in the station.  The Skipper tells me that one of the clubs has an ‘event’ on and there has been a bit of personnel movement around the county.  He suggests I go with two officers (male and female – this too is relevant later).  I know them both though I’ve only worked with the man before – if you add their ages together they are still 5 years younger than me!


1940-2000 – The Inspector wants a high profile presence in town tonight so we do an early walk through and call in the various pubs.  Not too many folk out yet and the mood is good, one ‘lady of a certain age’ seems to take a shine to me and I have trouble getting rid of her.  The old ‘finger to the ear-piece and distant look’  trick gets me away!


2000+  Immediate call to an incomplete 999 in a village about 10 miles away – possible domestic.  So, the young man is driving (complete with very daft haircut, the youth of today (sighs)).  I am very impressed, smooth, rapid – we  hit 110 mph at one point (rural) but I never felt unsafe and some very difficult stretches that cause a lot of accidents were taken at sensible speed.


We arrive and after some confusion over the address (three streets start at the same junction and there are no numbers on the doors) we gain entry.  A young woman with three children under 7.  She is very anti-police and won’t tell us anything.  She seems to have a real problem with my male colleague.  I do a quick search, all is clean, reasonably tidy, there is food in the fridge and the children seem well cared for.  The mum is kicking off and eventually I manage to get the two younger children to come with me into the kitchen where they get themselves a drink.  The toddler finds a new game running round me and jumping over my boots – good job I have big feet.  This gives my female colleague a chance to get some details from the mum.  She point blank refuses to give the name of her partner but eventually tells us what the argument was about (same old same old, use your imagination).  She is going to stay with friends but refuses to tell us where.  The taxi has arrived so I go and get the driver’s details and ask him to make a note of where she goes.


Ultimately, we are satisfied that the woman and her children are safe, so she goes on her way.  My male colleague and I agree that without having had a woman officer present we would probably have ended up arresting her and getting social services involved.  We head back to the station to update the system.  I call the cabbie but he can only give us the road he dropped her on.  All relevant systems are updated – she is ‘known’ so we add her new address and flag it up for the various support and protection agencies to follow up.


2200. Urgent run to a local fast food emporium to pick up refs – tonight its….Chinese!  My crewmates, the Skipper and the Inspector eat while the Boss regales us with tales of his time on the ferries (vomit, vomit and more vomit) and the problem of his dog’s clogged rear hair (somehow we manage to eat our food!).


2230.  Another Inspector from the south of the county arrives bringing two of my Special colleagues with him.  We divvy ourselves up, along with two of the night crew and go boots down in town.  By this time we have been joined by PC Rain.  It is, to coin a phrase, p***ing down!




In town.  I deal with the following – in roughly this order.




Numerous encounters with my ‘woman of a certain age’.  I swear the mad bint is stalking me.  I end up almost running away!




Bloke falls down the steps of the night club and knocks himself out.  Ambulance arrives and he looks in a poor state.  The inspector later calls and asks for CCTV as it is looking bad.  20 minutes later we get the all clear as he has recovered faster than Lazarus and wants to come back out.


Did I mention that it was raining.


Drunk teenager on a bus night out whose mother has got a strop on with her mates who found her and are trying to help.  Mum is told to wind it in and take her daughter home.


It rains some more, take shelter under the Street Pastors’ umbrellas – fantastic folk.


Three way tiff (2 Male, 1 Female) where one of the males is turning very nasty but decides to walk off in a huff.  The female accidentally kicks the skipper which raises a smile, especially when she does it again.  Who says sergeants have no sense of humour?


One amorous couple are politely asked to wait until they get home, or at least into a taxi before they remove each other’s clothing – it is after all still piddling down.


It stops raining…then start again.


I get a tap on the shoulder from a chap who explains that he is on a scavenger hunt and a selfie with a copper is worth good points.  At this moment he recognises me – we worked together for a few months last year.  I oblige and he goes away happy.


It carries on raining.


A group of older, impeccably dressed and exceedingly p***ed ladies and gents form an incongruous picture as they process down the street to their minibus.  Hammered they may have been, but they were at least dressed for the elements and were very polite.




Just as it looks like winding down a comatose female appears being carried by a bouncer and her friend (where were they taking her?)  She is very out of it and the nearest ambulance is 30 minutes away.  ARU are hanging round and as they have the trauma kit we put her in a car with one of them and off they go to hospital where colossal alcohol intake is diagnosed (no ####, Sherlock!).


0415.  Off duty.  The high profile tactics seem to have paid off as we had no arrests which is a rarity for town on a Saturday night and yes, there was a callsign that managed to be ‘busy’ out in the sticks all night and never appeared in town!


0445.  Get home, hang up my goretex hi-viz and my hat to dry and go to bed.

  • Like 8


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So apart from an excuse to use some questionable language, what relevance does your fictitious opening paragraph have to the story? 

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Posted (edited)

So apart from an excuse to use some questionable language, what relevance does your fictitious opening paragraph have to the story? 

Questionable language?  Mild stylised expletive used for humorous effect.  If you are offended then report my post.

Fictitious? I'm curious how you know this.  Are we acquainted? Are you familiar with the driving styles of the officers in my area?

Relevance?  It explains why I had taken effort to comment on my Regular colleague's driving and explains that the Special community is the same as any other - we share experiences and make decision based on those discussions.  The humorous tone is further explanation - I'm sorry if this was lost on you, sense of humour is very subjective.

End of explanations - no further discussion will be entered into.  If you dislike my post then report me to the Moderators.

Edited by MajorDisaster
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Posted (edited)

Guys not sure what this is all about.

However as stated any problems please use the report button, and we will investigate any concerns.


Edited by Fedster
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Sorry but this is just an attack on regulars. Finally what does your age got to do with policing? The fact that the combined two ages is still younger than you, so? Your age doesn't make you qualified to police I'm afraid. 

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Switch - I do not seek to attack regulars, far from it and if you think that then I apologise. There is often a little lighthearted teasing between regulars and specials but I'd never knowingly cause offence - again, if you feel I have done so then I'm sorry.  Personally I'd be very surprised if the regulars don't compare notes on the specials in the same way.

Age does not give me any qualifications as you rightly say, there are times when age and experience are advantageous and times when youth has the edge.  My point in mentioning it is to suggest that age is no barrier to policing.  I became a Special at the age of 49 and if I can encourage other older people to become either regulars or specials then I will be pleased.

I hope this clears  things up.


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Specials do talk about regs and regs, I assume, must talk about specials on the same topics.  It's not all bad!

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I don't think MD meant anything nasty about his initial post I'm sure it was just tongue in cheek.

I suppose to an extent everyone gossips about everyone, although I wouldn't go as far as saying we as regs really go into any depth about specials. Certainly no one I work with does, I think we all have too much work to be worrying about.

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