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Quarter Life Crisis


Bobbie
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Well,

22 years old guy who feels like a complete failure work,life, personal life :D I just feel like I just want to walk away from this rubbish and just disappear....

In the past 6 months I've lost my main job with Ikea in there health and safety team, and failed in 2 others with no one else to blame bar myself.I am starting to feel like I am a lead weight to my partner who has a successful job in IT with a travel provider here in the West Midlands.

I can't see a career path that I would like to get into and stick at that are recruiting anywhere in the near future, I have no real Qualifications a few GCSE's but nothing to special and only very basic experiences in health and safety not enough to make a career of it.

I've lost a lot of my confidence and out going part of me I can feel myself slipping away sort of losing who I am and I don't know what to do to stop it.

Sorry to bother you all with this but I needed to vent.

Sigh :blu::)

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Things can feel very bleak at times mate, you just need to focus on the positives and if it helps then vent away! I've had a few rough patches myself but when I look back on them I honestly believe the lessons learnt from them have made me a stronger and better person. At 22 you're still young. If you feel you don't have enough qualifications it's not too late to get more. Don't let the fact that companies aren't recruiting right now automatically mean that you have to sit and do nothing. Find ways to make yourself a better candidate for when they do recruit.

Seeing what it is that's getting you down is half the battle, you can change if you need to and things can get better.

Hope you feel better soon bud.

Tally

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i no it sounds like no help and it does my head in when people say it but it is true i can tell you , it only takes something bad to happen to realise how lucky you really are ! it will all sort itself out mate ,

P

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That sort of feeling happens to just about everyone at one time or another. Over the years, I've had quite a variety of jobs, some of which I never expected, but eventually things worked out alright. Look around and see what is available, even if you never considered it before.

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Seadog - I know how you feel, I was in a similar situation about a year ago.

In my case I was a complete wreck - I had less than no money, no income and a £500 bill from the local council for benefit overpayment. I was almost unable to function. I wasn't sleeping, I wasn't eating properly I spent most of my time incoherantly babbling to myself about how bad life is. I felt that I was a complete failure and that life would never get better. I genuinely contemplated suicide as an escape. It got to the point where I was looking at everything around me as an item that could be sold to extend my eventual bankruptcy I even went begging to my friends just to put together rent payments each month. My girlfriend was genuinely worried for my safety everytime I left her because she worried for what I might do to myself.

Then on the way home from my girlfirend's I passed a homeless guy and it got me thinking. How can I complain when I have a loving girlfriend, a warm roof over my head, a car, benefits and a suit. No matter how bad it seems you have a partner who I'm sure will support you no matter what.

In my case I went to my parents, cap in hand, broke the news to them that I had wasted over £12,000 in 9 months on top of my student loan and maintenance grant.

Then my life turned around:

I found a job - I don't like the job but it pays the bills

My parents gave me another loan - tiding me over in the short term

I went to the council benefits department and negotiated a repayment plan

I realised just how much everyone around me cared for me.

I joined the Specials which taught me just how worthwhile I am and showed me that I had more skills than I thought

I know it seems like nothing is going right but it is a hump that we all go through at one time or another and the key is to wade through all the rubbish and find the door out of there. Keep at it and you will eventually find a job (even if it isn't a long term career and just a job).

Manage what you have and prosperity will come eventually. There are never any quick fixes but it's these periods where nothing seems to be going right that teach us who we truly are and mature us.

Try not to let it get you down, your partner obviously cares for you (otherwise they wouldn't be your partner) so share your worries and fears with them - I'm sure they'll be the first to say that you aren't dragging them down.

It's not going to be easy, life never is. Keep battling through and don't give up - there is light at the end of the tunnel but some tunnels are longer than others.

Edited by Burnie
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Yeah, I agree. I think through life some doors close, but then others open.

You just have to make sure you're on the look out for them and remain positive. That isn't always easy.

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I think you need to pull yourself up and get on with it mate, theres plenty of things out there for people in your circumstances. Have you looked or contacted your local university to see if there any courses available? They usually do like Microsoft accredited courses for free for certain people, have you got any hobbies that you could maybe do self employed? You could look at the Young Prince Trust for support? Have you spoken to mates or family members about jobs in their places?

I understand you feel down at the moment, but feeling down is just going to slow yourself down. Be pro-active and get something done about it, you're in a far better situation than most people.

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Well,

22 years old guy who feels like a complete failure work,life, personal life :( I just feel like I just want to walk away from this rubbish and just disappear....

In the past 6 months I've lost my main job with Ikea in there health and safety team, and failed in 2 others with no one else to blame bar myself.I am starting to feel like I am a lead weight to my partner who has a successful job in IT with a travel provider here in the West Midlands.

I can't see a career path that I would like to get into and stick at that are recruiting anywhere in the near future, I have no real Qualifications a few GCSE's but nothing to special and only very basic experiences in health and safety not enough to make a career of it.

I've lost a lot of my confidence and out going part of me I can feel myself slipping away sort of losing who I am and I don't know what to do to stop it.

Sorry to bother you all with this but I needed to vent.

Sigh :unsure: :D

I'm sorry to hear that mate, but life is a strange animal. Sometimes the answers are staring you right in the face without you noticing them.

Firstly there must be something special about you ....you are a Special Constable after all. You obviously have certain qualities others don't. Don't give up on yourself you will get through this.

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In addition to what the others have said, it also sounds like you are depressed. Whether that be as a direct result of your circumstances or was there before and it's come to a head is irrelevant but it will cloud your judgement and your ability to function in day to day life and get on top of your problems.

I'm not really sure how your GP is but they might help. Most will just hand out a prescription for anti-depressants, and to be honest there isn't a lot else they can do apart from put you on a waiting list to see a counsellor, by which time you'll probably be feeling better and your state of mind doesn't sound too bad to warrant any medical intervention anyway.

You need to break down everything in your life that you see as a problem/obstacle and prioritise each individually to deal with. Are you working at the moment? If not then your main priority will be to find employment. Not easy I know.

Talk to your partner, this is a priority. You may feel that you don't want to burden them but the opposite is normally true.

It's already been said, we all have periods of life like this where one thing after another seems to happen but you just have to muddle through and face whatever it is the best you can. If you don't want to talk to your partner, is there someone with your force that can help? Maybe occupational health can offer you some advice?

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  • 4 weeks later...

Sometimes I think we all let circumstances get us a bit down. But it's important to remember that life offers challenges to be overcome. If you're not working full time at the moment put in some more hours with your force as an SC, keep yourself occupied, and don't give up looking for opportunities. If you aren't sure what career path to follow may be get some career guidance. Don't get into the frame of mind of beating yourself up either. Take stock of things and work out what areas of your life need improving on. Even if you cannot see a career path you want to follow straight away, get some experience - try your hand at a few different jobs even if just in the short term, whether voluntary or paid, and the answers will eventually become much clearer to you.

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  • 5 months later...

Hi mate,

Im the same age and have had the same feelings before now. I'd lost my mum, dad and a host of other family members members by the time I had turned 20. I didn't attend Uni (mainly because I didnt feel like it), which I initially regretted and I had been working temp assignments for a year or so. As an academic individual, with career potential, I felt I had literally already thrown my life down the pan before It had really begun. Lots of my mates had started as PCs in other forces, which made me feel left behind and I had been supporting myself through inherited/pension funds from my parents, which made me feel even worse - as if I was a complete loser.

I can literally remember the exact moment things got better. Not to lay on the cheese, but it wasn't my life that changed, it was me that changed. One night I was sitting up (could never sleep), and wrote a list of everything I needed to get done. This included trivial household tasks as well as applying for jobs, and other long term goals. Once I saw on paper what I wanted to do with myself, everything seemed much less hopeless.

I looked at police staff jobs and eventually ended up working for a force in a civilian role. During this time, I opted for extra training/qualifications where I could & ended up with a distance learning certificate in terrorism studies at Uni of St Andrews. I volunteered for as many courses/attachments as a special that I could get my hands on and concentrated my efforts on gaining experience on response work.

Everything paid off a few weeks ago when I was offered a start date for PC. I am 100% convinced that this achievement comes down to the one moment I decided 'enough was enough'. Im not saying youre going to get the same opportunities I did, and I dont want to seem pius, but I just wanted to reinforce the idea that a lot can happen in a couple of years depending on the way you approach life.

Good luck :saint:

Edited by Skeptocynic
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  • 3 months later...

Well things got alot worse for me over the past few months, my home life has fell to peices and my partner of 5 years has left me.

I had a emotional break down last months the day before I was ment to see the GP.

I've lost my best friend,my partner and my lover and my lifes just slipped away, I am on Anti-despressors for the next 6 months and they are helping by keeping my head clear and allowing my to sort of function better than I was.

I know I need to start to rebuild but I've lost everything and I really can't be movervated at the minute, Nothing I did enjoy before I do now and I find most things really uninteresting at the minute!

Just a quick update!

Edited by SEADOG
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