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A particularly lengthy tour of duty I recently did down to my bad judgement, however my most independent yet! Writing this to procrastinate from my uni revision so hope it's a good read!!

Rank: Special Constable

Length of Service: 1yr 2mths

Planned Hours: 1500-0000

Type of Shift: Immediate Response

1430: Leave for the nick and kit up, go into the reports room and check emails, last shifts lock up's outcome and make sure a particularly tricky customer from a few weeks still hasn't made a complaint (malicious of course) ((He hadn't))

1500: Briefing, I worked with this team as part of a 10 week placement so I know the majority of them well and I am crewed with a PC I've worked with before

1520: Leave briefing after cakes are distributed, someones birthday rather than any offences committed!! Go and check I'm in the callsign and load up the van.

1530: Straight out to a 15 year old shoplifter, he's compliant

1540: Arrive at the store and meet the shoplifter, he's chatting away to us and the security staff. Decided to nick 2 orange canvas hats despite having the means to pay for them at home. Fully admits it and has no previous for theft. Decide that an RJ is the best course of action.

1600: Load numbnuts into the van and get ready to drive him home for a dressing down in front of dad. He's still in good spirits so I'm wondering whether parents are going to be on our side or his! As we're pulling out of the top of the road my colleague notices someone in the town centre who is wanted for a burglary. He jumps out and grips the guy although he's hobbling on a bad ankle - going nowhere fast. Shout up for another van and I'm sat with shoplifter in the back who is not too pleased that his lift home is taking longer than expected. I advise him that if he doesn't want to sit in a police van he shouldn't steal stuff, which he accepts is a valid point.

1620: Other van turns up and burglar is loaded up for his ride to custody. Shoplifter rings dad and tells him there's been a change of plan, he's coming into the police station to meet us.

1630: Arrive back at the nick. Shoplifter comes with me and sits in one of the VA rooms to wait for dad. My colleague goes to book in his burglar in custody.

1645: Dad arrives. He is an all round good egg and is absolutely horrified at his sons actions. I prompt son to go through and relay the ins and outs of his misdoings to dad in front of my body cam. I explain the RJ scheme to dad and tell him that the store are happy to go along with it, that the disposal may show up on any enhanced CRB check but it looks a lot better than a caution or charge and that it leaves son to be punished as dad sees fit. Dad assures me that son will be suitably chastised and shakes my hand. I make clear to son in no certain terms that another bobby on another day and he would have been sat in a cell right now rather than our very recently febreezed VA room. They go on their merry way with son getting a right earful!

1700: Meet my colleague back in custody. He gives me the bad news first - I'm dealing with the job. The good news is that he will help! I familiarise myself with the handover before preparing my written disclosure and interview plan as well as booking duty solicitor for the interview. It's a pretty open and shut job -  the lad is caught staring straight down a CCTV camera and left his phone on the premises - which he later decided to ring up and report as stolen to us! I find out the reason why he was hobbling when I watch a CCTV clip of him falling from the first floor window of the premises that he's burgling!

1745: Radio off in interview. I've interviewed with the solicitor before so I'm expecting a prepared statement and no comment. His client ends up just going no comment without any statement. His head is in his hands by the end of the interview but I'm not sure whether this was down to the impending sense of doom or the pain in his ankle.

1810: Go through return from interview with custody and find out he's 2 months from the end of a 2 year suspended sentence, he's going back to prison but doesn't know it yet!!

1820: Go back through to report room and go into the Sergeant's to ask for charging authorisation as it is an indictable offence. They take one look at the evidence against him and put pen to paper

1830: Take my piece of paper through to custody and get matey boy charged. For some reason decide to put the now caution in the middle of the charge - I was doing so well!! Anyway all gets done and custody sgt breaks the bad news to DP that he's going back to prison. He just wants some medical attention for his ankle - custody sgtasks how long it's been like that and he says he did it last Wednesday but is hesitant to say how. I wait until he's gone back to his cell before informing the sgt that funnily enough someone fell out of a first floor window last Wednesday and that it may or may not be the same guy!

1840: Back into the report room and find my colleague waiting for me with a pizza. I'm absolutely starving so decide to make good use of my refs before starting on the file.

1930: Refs over. I take my seat in the report room and begin filling the forms out for the remand file.

2330: After a long few hours typing, we get the nod to go home. I decide I haven't had enough and that I'm going to jump in the carrier with another colleague of mine from the nights team who is working until 3.

2345: SECOND REFS!! Down to maccies and I'm content with a McFlurry to top the pizza.

0030: Back on patrol. It's a bit Q at the moment but I'm happy just to have a laugh with my old tutor and his special colleague who is out on his first shift.

0100: Grade 1 job comes in. Reports of 4 or 5 fighting in the street. I'm ready for a bit of excitement so I shout us up to go and we fly down to it!

0105: At scene. Not quite as reported, 4 month pregnant heavily intoxicated lady has been removed from a house party after the news she was having an abortion didn't go down too well with her friends and she kicked off about it. She seems to be under the impression she's being locked up for assault and is screaming about how she wants everyone in the house coming in as well, although I inform her that this isn't happening because it's a lawful ejection from the property. She's still effing and blinding and there's a particularly golden moment when she takes her top off to show the new special her 'injuries'. The look of horror on his face was a picture. I promptly order her to dress herself at which point she complies, but then goes round towards the house and directs her abuse at the occupants. I take her back round by the van and for the first time in my 15 month career find a situation where I can tell her firmly to wind her neck in. She's still going on and on and so we decide to put her in the van and give her a lift home. I'm not optimistic.

0155: We travel in convoy with the van to her home address and get her back out. She's initially calmed down but soon starts up again and demands our collar numbers so she can complain about us not locking the other party up. I write her the log number on a scrap of paper and give it to her explaining that if she rings up we'll all be on the log. She says something along the lines of "That's not a flipping collar number **** off" and even after all the chances she's had, I tell her to give me the paper. She refuses to do this so I give her one last chance to go to bed before she comes in with us. Another "**** off" makes my mind up.

0210: One arrested for D&D. I'm in the zone and decide even though she's in a van with another female officer, I'm locking her up. I get a lift back to custody where I meet my colleagues who have transported this lovely lady - now referred to as "the banshee" due to her howling in the van. Apologise to the reg who transported her for taking the lockup and she replies that on the contrary she didn't want to deal so she's glad I did!!! I'm regretting it now

0220: She gets out the van and she's just as pleasant. Complaining about how she's getting us all sacked for arresting her for asking for her collar number. She comes to the custody desk and starts ranting and raving at the custody sgt. I like this sgt and just mouth D&D and that's all he needs, she's not helped her cause at the desk. More female officers arrive in custody to give a chuck up and she's taken to her cell without a risk assessment. 

0240: 3 female officers emerge from the cell with a full outfit. They promptly inform the sgt to add arrests for 2 police assaults to the record and he duly obliged. She decided that custody was a good place to have a swing at a few cops.

0250: I finish booking in the banshee's property and go through to the report room where I am heroically thanked by the team for bringing her in! It's gone from a statement in her custody record for a D&D to a full handover for 2 police assaults and the said D&D - MARVELLOUS!

0300: Start on the handover, 2 crime reports and updating the log

0430: Give the handover the big sell to the sgt and he's happy to sign it off. Home at last.

0500: Dekit and get a lift home. Get back into bed and book off duty at 14 hours. It's just getting light outside...

0600: Sleep.

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